31 March 2005

'Don't dig up the past, all you're gonna get is dirty'*

For some reason the past keeps coming back to haunt me. I keep bumping into people who make me realise just how much of a cow I was when I was younger. Today, or more accurately yesterday has been a day of suchness. For one I see a girl who now has a 2 year old son, in a cafe in Poulton and realise maybe I was a little harsh, but them again what was I meant to do, I was young and knew no better.

Also bumped into my ex's parents in my new local. Not just any ex either. I was really harsh on him, and although most of the rumours circulated at the time which he came to hear were false I still feel awful. He was my first love and I was a bitch, which his mum actually said to me, and I admit wholeheartedly to. But amazingly she thinks I've grown up alright. Weird but people change I guess. I'm just getting a little upset about the whole thing.

I mean I can blame everything on being young because I guess I thought I knew what life was when I was younger, but I know know that I didn't. I now know that while I have a good idea about it, I'm by no means totally worldly wise. Growing up is a learning curve, and I'd say I've stopped the fast upward rise, but I'm by no means nearing the plateau. I learn new things every day, and I embrace them, knowing that they will help me in my development into a well rounded human being.

By this I don't mean being both academic and extra-curricular, but being able to accept that eveyone has good and bad points and both need to be celebrated. Not everything is black and white and human compassion and forgiveness are the valued highly, even above love, although they can be interlinked. All three are rare, and it takes a special person to bring them out in another. Anyway, enough of the deep thoughts, just wanted to share an insight into my twisted mind.

*Minority Report

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