08 November 2005

The problem with sittling on the fence...

is getting splinters in your arse. It has been one hell of a week. Seriously, at the beginning of last week I woke up with a hangover, a really bad one. I had a text from a girl which rubbed salt in the wound and I felt like I'd let everyone down, most of all myself. I'd been advised by my friends at the time I was making a mistake, and by god for once I actually heeded their advice, not something I generally do. I felt like a total bitch for it, and maybe I am, but as a special someone pointed out that I'd regret it and I actually listened, I woke up with far less regret than I could have. I got a talking to along the lines of "I know where you're up to, I've been there...but do it with the right people." Led me to think who are the right people and more to the point where are they? Anyway decided to put this chat out of my head and went down to Liverpool and had a good time, and again did something for possibly the wrong reasons, but it felt a whole lot more right than the previous night out, and helped me to clarify things in my head.

Anyway spent a fortune this weekend going out with the gang from Starbucks again. On Saturday I got given rainbow rock, Blackpool Pride 2006 stuff, pretty cool but that's all I have to show for the amount of money I spent getting drunk. Argh. Anyway, we were in the club and Rich and Paul both decided to give me a pep talk. I don't remember now which way around but Paul was on about "just be who you are, you'll be alot happier". And Rich was going on about he doesn't think bi exists, and he thinks it's just a convenient way of coming out and he's there for me whatever. Made me feel great to have that kind of support, but also made me wonder, does everyone else know something more than me? Should I just jump off the fence, and more importantly if I jump to the wrong side can I jump back over it? That was and is a huge problem, letting go of the past...but new bedding and having a life clear out this week. I'm also minus so much hair, most of the hair in my head is only a year old at the most. But it's a thousand times better :)

5 Comments:

Blogger Ally said...

Glad you're feeling better :). I think Rich is wrong, though :).

10:52 am  
Blogger Rhys said...

Yeah, I agree with Ally. Ask Rich this: if somehow you see a girl which he is attracted to, and the feelings are reciprocated, would he not go out with her?

It's important to keep your options open ;), the last thing you need once again is somebody telling you what you are. Be who you want to be, I know that (unless you hijack a car in the future and drive my first born over a cliff) at least one person will you like you no matter how you are :)

12:54 pm  
Blogger Alaskan_Chilli said...

I am pretty sure that you can jump over the fence as many times as you want and in what ever direction :)

4:44 pm  
Anonymous Kal said...

Just doing a search for the word 'acorn' and always up for reading a good blog! Life's cool... you can sit on the fence as long as you want (and as long as you don't mind picking out splinters now and then), or you can jump over to one side or the other. And... you don't have to stay ANYwhere - you can always go back to where you want to be.

The hard part is when people "expect" us to be or stay a particular way, and we're not that way. I think that "bi" is a problem for some people because they see it as sitting on the fence. But it's not sitting on the fence, if it's who you are. That's your side of the fence.

It's all up to you in the long run. We're allowed to change our minds any time we want, and stand whereever we want to stand. The important thing is that it's the place we belong at that moment in time.

Cheers!
Kal

7:09 pm  
Anonymous blooigloo said...

Well, hey... and just leaving my mark here as a permanant fence-sitter.. I see sexuality as a sliding scale, rather than as categories. Fall wherever you feel happiest. And there's nothing to stop you taking a sideways leap if you feel that's for the best! And really, one can get used to the splinters...

10:41 pm  

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